Archive for Hellicious

FAST & FURIOUS 6 (Film Review)

FF6 poster

FAST AND FURIOUS 6 in theaters now!

Summer has started and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has again bathed in baby oil and flung himself at the big screen.  This time he reprises his role as Agent Luke Hobbs in Universal Pictures’ “Fast & Furious 6″.  Featuring pretty much everyone who’s ever starred in the street racing series, “FF6″ serves as a link for the previous five films and gives us a glimpse at where the films are heading.  Director Justin Lin also returns to the franchise he resuscitated with the fourth installment and it’s clear from the first racing scene that he’s not afraid to take her into the red.   Read more

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (Film Review)

GI JOE 2 poster

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION in theaters now

Channing Tatum won me over with his performances in “21 Jump Street” and “Magic Mike”… or at least the Directors and Editors did.  If you want to see the blind leading the blind, go no further than 2009′s “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”.  In that film, Hollywood’s worst director, Stephen Sommers, succeeds in getting a performance from Tatum that’s as plastic as the toys it was based upon.  Throw on top of that a script full of plot holes, bargain basement VFX and Marlon Wayans and you’ve got yourself a war on good taste.  Fortunately, Paramount Pictures 86′d Sommers and brought in the next wave of Joes.  “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” should’ve instead been titled “Resuscitation”, because that’s exactly what it does:  breathes life into a franchise that all but had its dog tags sent home. Read more

The Host (Film Review)

the host poster

THE HOST in theaters now

The mission of this site is to review not just “good” movies, but “so bad they’re good” movies.   So when I heard that “The Host”, a film adapted from the Stephanie Meyers book, I knew I was in for either a horrible treat or the most excruciating two hours and five minutes  of my life.  As you know, Ms. Meyers wrote the “Twilight” series and it’s obvious that Open Road Films was hoping for something of equal quality.  Of course, that could have been achieved by filming an adaptation of “Romeo and Juliet” with “Octomom” Nadia Suleman starring as Juliet.  What they ended up with was something so subpar it actually had me longing for two hours of Playstation 2 looking wolves, vapid dialogue and Robert Pattinson’s blue-ribbon-winning-pumpkin-sized noggin. Read more

Stitches (Blu-Ray Review)

Stitches Blu

STITCHES available 4/2 on DVD and Blu-Ray from MPI/Dark Sky Films

I don’t get clowns. They’re supposed to be happy and make you laugh, but so many people find them terrifying. My friend Steve actually yells “Yikes!” in his husky smoker’s voice whenever he sees one. It’s pretty funny (if a bit over-dramatic), yet he illustrates how clowns are a legitimate fear of many. How else could you explain the successes of “It”, “Killjoy” or the appropriately titled “Killer Clowns from Outer Space”? Even “Seinfeld” explored the phenomenon with the episode “The Opera” where “Crazy” Joe Davola dresses as a clown and scares the shit out of everyone. Now, Irish filmmaker Conor McMahon (Dead Meat) takes his turn scaring you with a circus psycho in “Stitches”, coming to DVD and Blu-Ray April 2 from MPI/Dark Sky Films.
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Beer (Streaming Review)

beer poster

BEER now streaming through Amazon Instant Video, Hulu Plus and Netflix

It’s been around since 9500 BC.  One of the oldest man-made beverages, it’s shown up in ancient manuscripts and is thought to have been important in the development of civilization (according to Wikipedia – heh, heh). Though celebrated as the drink of the working man, it’s enjoyed by people of every socioeconomic level.  It’s beer  and the reason I bring it up, is that you just can’t celebrate St. Patrick’s Day without it.  Day 5 of our week-long Irish holiday focuses on Orion Pictures’ 1985 film “Beer”.  This little known comedy screams 80′s fun with a slobs vs. snobs story wrapped in a commentary on the advertising practices of the day.  A movie about beer commercials?  How could you possibly go wrong?? Read more

Leprechaun 4: In Space (DVD Review)

Lep 4 poster

LEPRECHAUN 4: IN SPACE available now on DVD

In 1979, “Alien” redifined the horror genre. It’s tag line: “In space no one can hear you scream.” For nearly 35 years, it’s been the gold standard for I’m-trapped-with-a-monster-in-closed-spaces movies; often imitated and never duplicated. Films like “Deepstar Six” and “Jason X” obviously ripped off the idea, while everything from “Spaceballs” to the “Space Quest” game series have included nods to the classic. To kick off our St. Patrick’s Week, Cinema Judgement Day takes a look at yet another “Alien” knockoff: “Leprechaun 4: In Space”. ***PLEASE NOTE: This film is most enjoyable with copious amounts of green beer and a frontal lobotomy.***

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The Ghastly Love Of Johnny X coming to DVD this June!

Johnny X poster

THE GHASTLY LOVE OF JOHNNY X, coming this June from Strand Releasing!

“The Ghastly Love of Johnny X” starring Will Keenan (“Tromeo and Juliet”) and The Grass Roots’ Creed Bratton, will be coming out June 2013 courtesy of Strand Releasing.  Paul Bunnell’s story of interstellar juvenile delinquency has been on the festival circuit for some time now and has one of the best trailers I’ve seen in… forever.

*Click “Read More” to see the preview in all of it’s retro black and white glory!* Read more

Ooga Booga (DVD Review)

Ooga Booga poster

OOGA BOOGA, available 3/12 exclusively through Grindhouseflix.com – from Full Moon Features

Cinema Judgement Day loves taking a dip on the Hellicious side and more often than not, we do so with a title from Full Moon Features.  Last week, I was cordially invited to a studio screening of Charles Band’s 260th Full Moon picture: “Ooga Booga”.  The film, an exploitation pic about a killer African doll (Tagline: “He’s 16 inches with an attitude”), will be the first film to premiere on Full Moon’s Grindhouseflix.com streaming service on March 12th.  But how does it stand against classics like “Puppet Master” and “The Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust”?

Well, 16″ tall of course!

Ok, bad joke.  Click “Read More” to find out the real answer! Read more

A Good Day To Die Hard (Film Review)

Die Hard 5 poster

A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD in theaters now!

Question: Who doesn’t love a good action movie?  Better question: Who doesn’t love taking their girlfriend to a good action movie?  Even better question:  Who doesn’t love taking their girlfriend to a good action movie on Valentine’s Day?

It’s probably safe to say the good people at 20th Century Fox asked themselves these very same things when they set a February 14th release date for “A Good Day to Die Hard”, the latest installment of Bruce Willis’ 25 year-old shoot ‘em up franchise. After all, what better way to remember you have a heart than to see one shot out of somebody’s chest on the big screen? Read more

MOVIE 43 Promises At Least That Many Belly Laughs (Film Review)

Movie 43 poster

MOVIE 43 in theaters now!!

*In my best movie trailer narration voice* In a world where trailers reveal entire movie plots in 30 seconds, one movie dares to be indescribable: MOVIE 43!!!

Honestly, the give-it-all-away-wrapped-in-a-green-band-syndrome plagues Hollywood, but can you blame marketing execs for their spoiler-free shills?  Most people don’t want to risk $12 on something that could stink, but they’re more than happy to shell out for a story they’ve enjoyed before.  When I invited a friend to catch a screening of Relativity Media’s latest film, he said he hadn’t heard of it and wasn’t interested. I tried to sell him on what little knowledge I had of the picture: “It’s a movie with, like, every actor in Hollywood. Like, everybody.”  My valley girl pitch must’ve struck some sort of chord, because he reluctantly agreed to accompany me.  Lo and behold, 10 minutes later when Kate Winslet finds herself on a date with the perfect guy (who just happens to have a scrotum dangling from his neck), we were both hooked.  Is that gay? Read more